It´s currently two to 1 in the morning, I am sitting at my desk in my temporary far south-west London room (very, very south west) and am literally doing anything else just not to deal with my first journalism assignment.
There´s a bin under the desk, filled with candy wrappers from Maoam stripes. The package says it´s mainly made for trick-or-treating. Contains approximately 30 pieces. I ate the whole thing on the bus from work yesterday because I was getting stressed solemnly by the idea of thinking that I´ll have to write about something eventually. In the very near future.
Right next to the bin there is a half-empty bottle of Russian Standard I bought for 15 pounds in a local Londis last Friday. Fifteen quid! Who do I think I am, I get a little money and suddenly I can throw it around on unnecessary shit.
There is also a bowl stacked on top of a plate on the ground. I own one of each, and picking them up every morning to wash them in the kitchen has become a sort of an everyday morning routine, alongside opening the window immediately after waking up, because this boiling room does not leave any space for breathing.
And this is how I´ve been living for the past (almost whole) month. I have not stopped since week one, but if you asked me what I´ve been doing, I could not respond with much. There is school, which I´ve been trying to take seriously, I really have, but I still seem to get that feeling I do everything else, everything not as important, expect for focusing on my assignments and deadlines.
The days are flying by so quickly and yet it feels like they have been dragging on. It feels like not much time has passed at yet there is still hardly any time for anything.
I don´t feel any more mature, any more smarter. I still struggle with English, even though I´ve been learning it for so long and my Spanish has not progressed much either. I seem to spent a fair amount of money online shopping, but when I put the clothes on, I don´t feel more different, more interesting to me. I´ve been trying to develop my own style but every time it seems I´m on a good track with a piece of clothing, it just does not work out quite the way I imagined it to.
But by no means, I am not complaining. The day is gone, turns into night and then soon enough, a new one arises. Sometimes, I get to write a good, solid piece of text that I do not despise as much. Sometimes, even though very rarely, and after countless of time pushing the repeat button, I sing all the Spanish lyrics to a certain song flawlessly.
I will be home in something more than over a week. The time will fly and then I will be back here again. But there is still a lot to do before I can breath out for a bit.
I think it´s mainly that I certain ideas for this year. Big aspirations. If I work well in advance, plan everything carefully and save some money, it should all work out. I am excited. I have a plan and am not just pointlessly trying to get through this term and following couple of months. I have a vision as of the majority of my year should unfold and I am working towards it.
So now, I don´t feel more mature, smarter, but I feel determined. Focused. That is the only difference I can inwardly feel. But then again, month is exactly the perfect time that you look at after it has passed and you think to yourself “Already so long?” immediately followed by “Only that much?”
Living, observing and writing it all down 